There’s no right or wrong answer to the question of how many dates you should wait before sex. It should be based on you and your partner.
Some people may want to wait until marriage, which is fine. Others might decide to wait a few months or more. It’s all about comfort, desire and compatibility.
1. If you’re in a committed relationship
If you’re in a committed relationship, it can be tricky to know when the right time is to have sex. Some people believe that it’s best to wait until you’re a couple months into the relationship, or at least until the honeymoon period is over. But, like everything in a relationship, that’s up to you and your partner.
Another thing to consider is whether or not you want to have children with this person in the future. Some couples don’t feel comfortable sex until they have discussed their fertility plans and decided whether or not they’re ready to have a child together.
Some couples also feel that it’s better to wait until they have a strong emotional connection with their partner. They might also want to build up sexual tension and fantasies so that the experience is more fun and exciting for them.
Other reasons for waiting may include a lack of trust, or wanting to make sure that they’re completely over any previous partners. Whatever the reason, it’s important to listen to your intuition and decide what’s best for you and your partner. However, it’s important to remember that if you and your partner are both ready for sex, there’s nothing wrong with going for it sooner than later. As long as you’re both aware of each other’s boundaries and are both consenting, there’s no reason why it can’t be a great experience.
2. If you’re under the influence
Alcohol and drugs can make it difficult to understand another person’s body language or read their emotions. If you’re unsure of someone’s consent, ask them. Their answer should be enthusiastic and clear – not an unenthusiastic no or a “Urrgh, I guess so.” Consent can also be withdrawn at any time, and you should be prepared to stop sexual activity if they change their mind.
Alcohol tolerance varies from person to person, but it’s generally safe to assume that if someone is intoxicated, they cannot give consent. If you’re not sure how much the other person has been drinking, consider their demeanor and their ability to communicate clearly – are they coherent or stumbling over their words? Do they seem confused or unfocused, or are they passing out?
Whether or not it’s legal, it’s never okay to engage in sexual activities with anyone who is too drunk to consent. Even if they’re actively wanting to have sex, it may not feel good and could lead to regret or trauma down the road. Sexual assault is a serious offense, and you can be held liable if you commit sexual violence while under the influence. For more information, see SHARPP’s Wildcats Get Consent resource. It’s also a good idea to bring a form of birth control or barrier method protection if you plan on engaging in sexual activity.
3. If you’ve never had sex before
If you’ve never had sex before, it may be worth waiting a bit to let your curiosity settle in and find out what it feels like. This can also be an opportunity to talk with your partner about their sexual history and see if they’re on the same page when it comes to how they want to explore each other.
However, you might be a little more interested in building up the anticipation of sex with a new person—which can be a lot of fun! Plus, it can give you the chance to talk openly with your partner about your sexual preferences and limits, kinks, and fantasies.
The point is, there are no arbitrary rules when it comes to how long you should wait before having sex—you do what feels right for you and your partner(s). What matters is that everyone involved enthusiastically gives their consent.
Even if you and your partner agree that it’s time to get down, it’s still important for both of you to have an up-to-date STD test. That way, you’ll have the best possible outcome if anything happens. Plus, it’s a good way to show your partner that you care and are taking your health seriously. And really, what could be more romantic than that?
4. If you’re married
For many people, sex is a big part of a relationship. However, if you’re in a committed relationship, you may want to hold off on physical intimacy until you feel that your partner is ready to make that commitment official. It’s important to be on the same page with your partner and know where they stand on this issue before you take the plunge – after all, people lie and can change their minds about anything at any time.
If your significant other agrees to wait until marriage before having sex, this is a great way to demonstrate their loyalty to you and to the health of your relationship as a whole. Studies show that couples who choose to abstain from sexual activity until marriage tend to have a more mature view of marriage and a healthier, more stable relationship than those who experiment with living together and changing partners before getting married.
If your partner doesn’t agree with your decision to delay sex until you get married, this could be a sign that they don’t have the best interest of you in mind or are only interested in using you for their own hedonistic pleasures. If he doesn’t respect your wishes, it’s best to walk away. There are plenty of other guys out there who will happily agree to your chastity plan and respect you for more than just your body.
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