Whether you’re married to a man who isn’t naturally the one to initiate lovemaking or you feel like he needs more physical intimacy, learning how to initiate sex with your husband is important.
Men crave spontaneity, and their wives’ initiation of sexual intimacy is a great way to show him that they want him.
1. Make a plan.
Some couples have the idea that they can solve their sexual problems by shifting sex duties from one spouse to the other. They think that if the lower desire spouse takes charge of initiating, the higher-desire spouse will feel free to say yes to their advances, and they can avoid hurt feelings or the pressure to perform sexually.
But what they don’t realize is that it takes time and practice for a person to become comfortable taking the lead. And they’re probably just putting a bandage on a bigger problem, not actually solving it.
Many men simply don’t have a strong enough desire to initiate sex, especially in their early marriages when they’re used to their wives being the ones who do. For some, this may be a result of their biological makeup. For others, it may be because of habits they picked up in their dating or early married years. Having a direct conversation about their motivation can help them overcome this obstacle.
2. Set the mood.
Some spouses have trouble with sexual desire for a variety of reasons. They may have a high-stress job, children to care for, relationship tension, personal hygiene issues, and more. Even if a person wants to be more intimate, these factors can dampen a sexual response.
One way to encourage a sexual response is by setting the mood. This can be as simple as making noises, giving a back rub, or sending a sexy text. It is also important to communicate sexual desire in a way that is clear for the partner. For example, asking, “Are you ready for sex?” can be very direct and clear.
Another way to set the mood is by putting on a seductive outfit or wearing new lingerie. You could also greet your spouse with a kiss that is more passionate than the usual hello smooch. Foreplay is also a great way to get a person in the mood. For example, you could try a little oral sex to give your spouse a taste of what will be going down in the bedroom.
3. Communicate your desire.
There are lots of ways to subtly let your husband know that you’re in the mood. You could give him a deep kiss in the morning or wear seductive clothing to bed. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, try dropping to your knees in front of him or unzipping his pants (or maybe even stroking his man-part).
But don’t be afraid to get creative and find ways that are unique to your relationship. The most important thing is to communicate your desire.
A lot of women complain that their spouse doesn’t initiate sex but they also feel like they don’t want to ask because it feels too pressured. It’s easy to blame the other person but in reality this just transfers the responsibility for intimacy onto one person. It takes courage to realize that both of you play a role in the dynamic you’ve created. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be to break out of this pattern and into something more healthy.
4. Give him a time.
When it comes to sex, men want to feel wanted. But many times, they may be so focused on trying to keep sex alive in their marriage that they forget to show desire by initiating.
When a woman does initiate, a man’s sexual drive is likely to increase. However, the problem is that many women aren’t able to sustain this erotic energy. Whether it’s due to job stress, exhaustion after spending the day caring for kids, or relationship tensions, they often stop attempting to initiate.
Other women are so worried about being accused of forcing sex on their spouse that they choose to decline the opportunity altogether. This is a huge mistake. Declining takes the responsibility to initiate off of the high-drive spouse and puts it on the low-drive spouse. This creates a cycle of pressure and anxiety, which is not what either spouse wants. Instead, both parties need to be willing to put in the effort that is required to keep sex vibrant in their marriage. Get the secrets to giving your man back-arching, toe-curling orgasms that will make him scream your name in bed. Sign up for this private and discreet newsletter now.
5. Make it fun.
Many couples struggle to make sexual intimacy a regular part of their relationship. Sometimes it is difficult for a spouse to take the lead because of job stress, exhaustion from caring for children, relational tensions, personal hygiene issues, or simply fear of rejection. It can be difficult to initiate sex even for couples who are sexually active and who have been married for years.
Initiating sex can be fun, especially if you make it playful. Flirting, using eye contact and body language, and even playing sexual games can be a great way to keep things spicy. In fact, the Bible is full of examples of sexual intimacy being a very playful experience for two lovers.
Some wives find it easier to initiate sex by making it a natural part of their daily routine. For example, letting him catch you watching porn or reading erotica (try these true sex stories) can be a fun way to let him know that you are more than willing to explore your sexual desires. Similarly, sending the kids to grandma’s and scheduling a private time for the two of you can be an easy yet effective way to let him know that you are interested in more than just kissing and snuggling.
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