Dom/sub relationships can be sexual or non-sexual, and they can include other forms of kink. Kink might involve pain play or sensory play, for example.
It’s important to have clear and negotiated boundaries in any BDSM scene, says Queen. This can be as simple as a contract or a conversation about wants and limits.
Dominant
Dom bdsm is a sexually explicit power dynamic where one person takes on the dominant role. This can involve physical and emotional control over the sub. Typically, the dominant role is female or male, but it can be open to people of any gender who consent to it. It’s important that both partners have clearly defined boundaries before starting dom-sub role play, says KinkTok expert Antonia Hall. They may also want to sign a contract that details what is and isn’t permissible. In addition, both parties need to know their safe word and have clear communication channels.
Doms strive to exercise control over all aspects of their lives, not just the relationship with their sub. They take pride in their health, housekeeping, cars, and careers. In some cases, they might even have a journal where they write about their feelings and desires. They can also tease their sub, whether it’s orally stimulating them or pinching a nipple.
They might train their sub to serve them by enforcing rules, creating routines, and rewarding positive behavior. They can also use a variety of tools to enhance their power exchange with the sub, including whips and chains. Doms can also practice age play, where they act as older parents or aunt/uncle to their sub, who plays a younger role. In these cases, the dom may have to give up some of their own pleasures for the sub’s enjoyment.
Submissive
A Dom exerts power over a sub in a D/s (dominant/submissive) dynamic. They enjoy exercising their control and asserting their power, even to the point of imposing punishments when necessary. Doms also take responsibility for the safety of their subs and ensuring that both physical and emotional boundaries are maintained in their scenes. They also practice aftercare, which can include cuddling, bringing the sub a glass of water and talking through the scene.
A good Dom will focus more on what their sub gets out of the scene than they do on what they want to get out of it themselves. This will make the sub feel safe and satisfied sexually and emotionally. They will also be willing to serve their Dom in other ways, such as providing oral gratification or nipple play, as long as the scene is consensual.
Doms may derive pleasure from nonsexual activities as well, such as telling their subs what to wear or making them wait for a certain time before they have sex. Doms will also use their role to explore their fantasies of dominance and control. Incorporating dominance into a relationship can be a fun way to subvert traditional gender roles and challenge societal norms. The key to successful DOM/sub relationships is mutual respect, care, understanding, trust and a willingness to try new things.
Aftercare
Aftercare is a crucial part of any BDSM scene and can vary from person to person. At a minimum it involves the Dom reassuring their sub that what they have just played out in the bedroom is not reflective of how they see them in day-to-day life and ensuring that they are safe. It can also involve physical care such as rubbing lotion into bruises or cuts and emotional comfort like cuddling or talking about the experience afterwards.
For some Doms, aftercare may involve age play with their sub where they act as older caregiver roles such as mother or aunt/uncle to a sub who plays the role of a child or adolescent. This can help them build trust and rapport with their sub. It can also help them explore their power and control in an appropriate way that doesn’t put their sub at risk of injury or harm.
For subs, aftercare can include a lot of kissing and general tenderness. This helps to reduce feelings of worthlessness a sub might feel during a BDSM scene and boosts oxytocin levels which is a natural feel good chemical in the body. It can also help if their Dom reminds them they are wanted and loved for their submission. A glass of water can also help clear the endorphins from their system so that they are able to return to a more reasonable state.
Kink
Dom and sub are part of a larger category of kinks called BDSM, which stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. While the dominance/submission dynamic is central to many kinks, there are plenty of other ways people derive pleasure from a Dom and sub relationship, including but not limited to, bondage, masturbation, and role play.
For example, many Doms enjoy training their subs to become a better version of themselves through discipline and punishment, such as keeping a journal of their feelings or enduring a harsh spanking. Moreover, some Doms may use nonsexual dominant behavior in their relationships, like ordering their partners what to wear or taking control of household finances. A lot of Doms will also require their sub to be naked, which allows them access to torture them with toys like a remote control sex toy or even pinch a nipple.
Additionally, some Doms prefer to play the role of a parent with their subs and assign them pet collars, which allow them to be stroked and spoiled. Some even engage in animal roleplay, wherein their subs act like a kitten or puppy.
While gender plays a major role in a Dom and sub dynamic, there are also people who identify as switch, meaning they can take on either the dominant or the sub roles depending on their mood. A dom/sub relationship can be a powerful and fulfilling experience that helps a couple build trust and respect, even outside of the bedroom.
See Also:
