A lot of couples have a lot of sex at the beginning of their relationship. But over time, this can change.
Sometimes, this can be a problem, especially if one partner has lower libido. But the good news is that there are ways to work through it. First, it helps to understand what’s normal.
You’re totally psyched
When you start dating someone new, everything seems right. The butterflies in your stomach are overflowing, you want to smother them with kisses and hugs, and the sexual desire is insatiable. It’s a time that can last up to two years and is known as the limerence phase of a relationship.
It’s common for couples to explore physical intimacy in full force at the beginning of a relationship because they’re in an overflow of feel-good bonding chemicals and because it’s something they’ve never done before. But after the initial euphoria wears off, it’s natural for couples to settle into a more regular ebb and flow of how much they want to have sex.
Some couples are still able to keep up the sex momentum from early in their relationships, while others might find that the desire is fading and they’re starting to lose interest in each other. If you and your partner are both noticing that there’s less sexy in the relationship, it’s important to communicate about what both of you want from the sex life and how to make it happen.
It’s also a good idea to try things like mutual masturbation, scheduling sex, or couples therapy, says McDevitt. Whatever you do, it’s important to avoid brushing it under the rug — because there could be serious underlying issues that need to be discussed and resolved before it’s too late.
He’s not ready
When couples have sex too early, it can become a substitute for a real relationship and can cause one partner to become more emotionally invested than the other. It can also mask issues like lack of intimacy, miscommunication, and lack of sexual satisfaction.
He’s not ready for a relationship yet
Sometimes, having sex too soon can be a sign that he is not ready to settle down and commit. He may think that if he is not ready for a long-term commitment now, it will magically happen in the future. But this kind of thinking can lead to disappointment, frustration and resentment.
Instead, if you sense that he is not fully committed to you, try having an honest conversation with him about what you are both looking for in a relationship. If he keeps dodging serious questions or talking about being ‘just having fun’, then it’s probably time to move on.
Another warning sign is if he is constantly flirting with other women or hanging out with his friends without you. This can be a sign that he does not genuinely like you or that he is only interested in your body. If he really loves you, he will make sure you know that you are a priority in his life. This is how you can tell he is not playing the game for sex.
He’s not a sex-obsessed guy
It’s totally normal to feel lusty and want sex in the beginning of a relationship, but that’s different than feeling obsessed. If he can’t stop talking about sex or can’t seem to think of anything else except what to do in bed with you, it might be time to have a conversation about his habits and see where your feelings are headed.
It is possible to have lots of sex early on in a relationship and still end up with a long-term commitment. However, this is only if the couple is focused on building a bond and emotional connection and not just about having fun and meeting each other’s sexual desires.
If he can’t stop talking about how much he wants sex, or insists on going in to bed four times a day, it might be a sign that he is an unhealthy obsessive who has crossed over into addiction. It’s also not okay for him to be using you as a sex object.
Some men who have a high sex drive may be able to resist their urges, but other men can’t and they need to get help. Those with an addictive problem have deep-rooted psychological problems that need to be addressed by a therapist. They might even need to be hospitalized. So, if you’re worried about him, don’t try to rationalize his behavior; talk to a therapist instead.
You don’t have time
If you’re banging like jack rabbits at the beginning of your relationship, it might be time to slow down a bit. The ebb and flow of sexual appetite is completely normal, and it’s perfectly fine to shift into a more casual sex life as you settle into a long-term commitment.
If one or both of you are feeling like you don’t have the same desire for sex anymore, it’s important to talk about it and set new boundaries with your partner. You can also seek out help from a sex therapist or coach to work through any issues that may be causing you and your partner to have less sex.
In addition to not having enough sex, you might be feeling like your sex lives are taking a back seat to other things in your relationship. This might be due to work, family obligations, or even hobbies and sports you’re both into. You and your partner should sit down and figure out what’s going on, and you might find that bringing some more fun into your sex lives can make everything feel more exciting again.
While it is true that couples who have sex regularly are more satisfied in their relationships overall, there hasn’t been much research addressing the specific question of how often you should have sex when you’re dating someone. So, the answer to this question will depend on many factors, from your libido to your partner’s.
See Also:
- A Guy Who Wants Sex But Not a Relationship
- Which is the Best Way to Tell Your Partner That You Are Not Ready to Move Forward?
- How Many Dates Should You Wait Before Sex?
- How to Initiate Sexual Activity – The First Steps in a Healthy Relationship
- Feeling Wanted Sexually In A Relationship Is Not A Reflection Of Your Worth
