Sex is a powerful experience that can bring deep pleasure and connection. However, it can also be an anxious and unsettling time for many people.
Luckily, there are things you can do to stop overthinking during sex and enjoy the moment more fully. The following tips will help you do just that.
Focus on the present moment
One of the most common challenges people have with sex is staying fully present. Whether it’s because of work stress, relationship issues, medications, sexual trauma, or other factors, many people struggle with keeping their minds on the task at hand during sex.
Practicing mindfulness, which is simply being in the moment and noticing what your body feels like at any given time, can help with this. Try doing this during daily activities, such as showering or eating, and notice each sensation as you experience it. Eventually, this practice will help you to keep your mind focused on pleasure during sex.
If you’re struggling to stay on task, you can also try replacing distracting thoughts with ones that are more pleasant. For example, if you tend to think about your to-do list during sex, replace those thoughts with neutral ones, such as scenic outdoor views, underwater scenes, or puppies. Alternatively, you can focus on other things that trigger pleasure, such as impact play or butt plugs, or you can experiment with different types of sexual stimulation.
If you’re still having trouble focusing, try asking your partner for more feedback. That will help you get a feel for what they enjoy most, and will give you clues about how to push yourself during sex. For instance, if they mention that they love being tickled or worshiped on the feet, you can try asking them to rub them during oral sex or climax.
Practice deep breathing exercises
It may sound counterintuitive, but focusing on deep breathing exercises can actually help you feel more orgasmic during sex. That’s because deep breaths engage the pelvic floor muscles—the hammock-shaped muscles that connect your tailbone to your pubic bone and are involved in many bodily orgasms—and can actually encourage engorgement of genital erectile tissue.
One deep breathing technique, called 4-7-8 breaths, is simple: Inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and exhale through your mouth for eight seconds. It’s been used to treat everything from anxiety and stress to high blood pressure, headaches, and insomnia—and now it’s also being used as a way to boost pleasure during sex.
You can practice this technique before you head to the bedroom and can eventually make it second nature during partnered sex. Just remember that this type of breathing will feel different than what you’re used to, and it can take a little time to get into the groove.
You can also try synchronized breathing, where you sync your inhales and exhales with your partner’s. This can be an amazing way to create a sense of connection during intimacy, and it can even help you reach orgasm faster. Just be sure to practice these techniques in a safe space and not when you’re already short of breath!
Try fantasizing about sex
Sexual fantasies are a normal part of human experience and can be extremely pleasurable when tapped into in the right way. In fact, fantasizing about sex may help you stay present during sex and connect with your partner on an emotional level. However, it’s important to remember that fantasy and reality are two very different things. If you find yourself fantasizing about things that would be inappropriate in real life, it’s a sign that you need to work on your mental health.
One of the best ways to stop overthinking during sex is to practice mindfulness meditation techniques. This involves focusing on your breath and bringing your thoughts back to the present moment when they start to wander. As a bonus, this type of meditation can also help you relax and decrease anxiety.
Another great technique to try is to focus on the sensations that you’re experiencing during sex. If you’re feeling a lot of pressure or arousal, try to think about other types of pleasure that are available to you. For example, you could focus on your favorite food or a relaxing activity.
You can even play games with your mind during sex to keep yourself from overthinking. For example, if you feel like you’re losing track of where your partner is on your body, try thinking about something else. Just make sure to communicate with your partner beforehand and go slow, so that everyone’s comfortable with the process.
Take a break
If you find that no matter what you try, you can’t stop overthinking during sex, it may be time to take a break. This doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, but it can be a healthy way to give yourself a bit of a reboot when things start getting difficult. Whether you’re feeling bored, tired, or frustrated, taking some time apart can help you regain your perspective and approach problems with a clear head.
You can also use this opportunity to reflect on what’s really going on with your sex life and see if there are any patterns you can identify. For example, you might be more turned on by visual or verbal triggers. Knowing this can help you anticipate and avoid situations that might lead to arousal.
Another great way to break the cycle of unwanted thoughts is to turn them into something productive, like a creative hobby. Using your brain in an engrossing way can help distract you from sexual thoughts, which will make it easier to stay present later on when the moment is right.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a fulfilling sexual experience. However, you should also be able to enjoy it without the added stress of overthinking. If you find that you’re not able to relax and let go, it’s important to talk to a professional therapist who can help you overcome these issues.
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